Pundit Roshan Singh – Jyotish Astrologer
Seek to love, not control others. Ceasing to seek power over people and outcomes in your life is the first major step to living peacefully. Trying to control people is about seeking to impose your will and reality on others without ever trying to see their side of things. A controlling approach to relationships will keep you in conflict with others. Replacing a will to control with a broad approach of loving others instead, including their faults and differences, is the way to a peaceful life.
- Think peace before power. Gandhi said that power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the power gained through threat of punishment. If you’ve learned to “control” other people through threatening behavior, demeanor, or actions, those who are subjected to your power will be responding out of coercion, not out of respect or care for you. This is not a peaceful way to live.
- Learn the skills of negotiation, conflict resolution, and assertive communication. These are important, constructive communication skills that help you to avoid or effectively move through conflict with others. Not all conflict can be avoided, and not all conflict is bad provided you know how to handle it skillfully. If you don’t feel that you have enough skills in these forms of communication, read widely on ways to improve them. The clarity of the message is always vital to ensure peace, as much conflict arises out of misunderstandings.
- When communicating with others, seek to avoid ordering, moralizing, demanding, threatening, or excessively needling them with questions aimed at eliciting too much information. Each of these forms of communication will give rise to conflict with others who feel that you’re trying to control them rather than speak with them as an equal.
- Have confidence that others around you are capable of living as good a life as possible all things being equal. In this respect, even giving advice carries controlling tendencies when you use advice as a means to interfere in another person’s life, rather than simply offering your own insights without an expectation they’ll act on what you think. When we advise others, we risk assuming that we have a full grasp of the problems they’re facing when, in actual fact, we usually do not and we’re filtering their problem from our own experience. It is far better to respect the other person’s intelligence and simply be there for them, instead of trying to impose your experience as the “answer” for them. In this way, you will cultivate peace over resentment, respect over trivialization of their viewpoint, and confidence in their intelligence instead of insulting them.
- Simple, take a little time to be on your own. Look at your own life. Question yourself if you are truthful, good, loving and caring towards others.
- Do you really love and care or is it out of common duty that you are doing things for those that surround you.
- Take some steps to remedy your actions if you have gone astray by learning to take the humble seat and become childlike in your approach towards others. Be humble, do not seek unnecessary name and fame out of what you do as this is the cause of our sorrow and anxiety.
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Your ever well wisher